This month, 'The Cynic' turns his fire American Politicians, Nostradamus and the fun world of mispronunciations.

PRESIDENTIAL CYNIC. Hello again old friends. Your ever topical mate, The Cynic here. How are you all doing? I hope the November 7th fracas hasn't peed you off. I'm talking about the bloody American Presidential election. I for one am a tiny wee bit peed off about it! To tell the truth I'm completely and utterly pissed off with it! And I will tell you why. I checked my emails just yesterday (i.e. 7/11/2000) and guess what? I've got mail! From whom? You might ask? Well apart from Mrs Cynic, looking for more money and the distraught caravan club insurance co, I get mail from the Republican Party! Yes me. A self declared Cynic. Politicians? Damn liars if you ask me. Do we need the most powerful man in the western world to be called President Gore! Jeeezus! And Bush ain't any better. So the damn Yankees have to chose between and man whose name could be Nostradamus's wettest dream, and a guy with half a brain who is named by a colloquial term for a ladies private parts? I for one think not. What ever happened to genuine candidates like Ross "how's them apples" Perot? Now there's a leader for you. No brains. No charisma, no policies to mention. A bit like Mr Blah that we have here in the U.K. But he has big teeth and a nice suit, That is how a world leader should be. Especially if he has control over nuclear weapons. Although we could say that Mr Blah has no control. Considering the fact that all the U.K's Nuke submarines are in dry dock surrounded by guys from the X Files movie. Smoking heavily and muttering, " The ciggies won't kill me but the boat will!" Anyway in my opinion the best way to hold an election is the way the Chinese do it. Have you ever seen a Chinese with an election? Say it out loud and you'll see what I mean! Anyhow I'm off to bury my caravan underneath 2 feet of dirt and 10 inches of lead. See you next time if that damn frog Nostrodamus doesn't get his way. Stay Cynical people and you'll never be disappointed.

The Next President Patriot Games Fellow Submarine

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