HEDGE TRIMMING? INSIST ON RECEIPT, SAYS BALLS

Window cleaner due to call? Getting your hedge trimmed? Then insist on a written receipt for all transactions, even small gardening jobs. Labour shadow chancellor Ed Balls says he always asked for a written record, even if it was just for £10 to cut a hedge.

And why stop there? Should not all such transactions require statement of health and safety compliance, completed time sheet, customer satisfaction score and obligatory ethnic diversity commitment? Oh, and don’t forget duplicate copies for HMRC and the council’s regulation inspectorate. You can’t just have everyone cleaning windaes.

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